Segram's Tale

A friend of mine has is known for his very poor taste in liquor, despite having been a bartender for years. 

If it's awful he's sure to have bought it and possibly enjoyed it. My experience with this culminated last summer when he burst into my apartment with a bottle of Segram's Sweet Tea Vodka. And this was no small bottle. It was 1.75 liters of heinous brown liquid.

When he cracked open the bottle a saccharine stench wafted out of the bottle. The air got heavy. We all began to choke. He mixed himself a cocktail and announced, "Oh god, this is horrible." Then proceeded to drink a good portion of the bottle. This was the last time anyone would touch the bottle.

Since that day the bottle sat dormant in the bottom of my freezer. Waiting for someone, anyone to take pity on it and finish it once and for all. But last night, after two roommates and nearly a year of non-use, I decided to put an end to Segram's misery. I yanked the bottle from its icy home. Grasped the cap tightly and tore it off.  

Slowly tipped the bottle until, finally, the insidious (b)ooze flowed into the sink basin. (You didn't think I would actually drink the stuff, did you?)

And as I watched the last drops of vodka left the bottle I noticed a message on the neck of the bottle. Probably from a marketing team who felt very clever. The message read:

"Please enjoy our quality responsibly."

What optimism!