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Those are some of the dumbest words that have ever come out of my mouth.

Why?

Because those words led me to attempt to make pretzels. Which, I attest to this day, was one of the most difficult and frustrating experiences of my life.

I shall set the scene for you. It is Fourth of July 2009. My parents have been cooking all day. Some one *thumbs pointed sharply at myself* thought it would be a good idea to make pretzels.

After all, I saw Alton Brown do it on the food network. I saw people do it at the mall. It couldn't possibly be that hard.

It is. It really, really is.

The dough is temperamental. I added too much oil and was trying to find the correct ration for at least a half hour after I should have been putting them in the oven.

You have to shape them. And when the dough is not made correctly this becomes VERY difficult. I ended up making pretzel rolls.

Then there is that nice brown top layer you expect. To get this you need to give the pretzels a quick "bath" in a mixture of water and baking soda. This is fine if you are experienced.

If not, you end up with a kitchen COVERED in baking soda.

Like I did.

No matter though, my pretzels were one quick bake in the oven away from being devoured. The timer beeped and I flung open the oven door. I triumphantly pulled out the baking sheet and announced "It's pretzels!"

They were pretzel like objects. Not quite the proper color. Not quite the proper shape. And, upon biting in, not quite the proper texture.

They were decent, but nothing to write home about*.

And it's a good lesson that just because some looks easy, or even sounds easy, it might but much more difficult than appearances lead on.

So the next time you find yourself saying that even YOU could build a better website.

Or make a better ad.

Or build a better mouse trap.

Try your hand at it fist. And then try passing judgement.

*Though it seems they were fine to write a blog post about. Har, har.

This flood brought to you courtesy of the world wide web. 

• Excellent Advice from Mike Dempsey by way of Stan Lee
• The Escape Pod gets recognized by Campaign for Claussen Pickles work. And a few words on Ad Strategy as a bonus.
• Finding Your Voice, Great Clients and The Gift of Quiet. All gifts. All from George Tanneubaum.
• Arguably my favorite post Dave Trott has ever written. And three more great ones.
• Why is throwing "healthy" into the PetCo tag a poor choice? The man who wrote the original will tell you himself.
• Want to get design inspiration? Look in a book. Or at least look AT this children's book.
• Making art with planters. What will they think of next?

It's video time!

Drool worthy Audi spot. These creatives knew what they were doing--pun 100% intended! (via)

Awesome way to give away dollar drinks. Coming soon to a bar near you? Spoiler: unlikely. (via)

This Adidas Originals commercial is better than the Original Adidas commercials. (via)

Music!

The softest spot in my heart is for the haunting voice of Justin Vernon (Bon Iver). Here's his newest track with James Blake. It leaves me yearning for fall to come a bit faster.

Some of you may have noticed my silence on here lately.

I mean a week and a half without a post—what gives?

Well, concerned readers, a lot gives.

My internship concluded.

I spent a whirlwind week home in St. Louis.

And this past week was spent moving myself into my apartment in Des Moines.

Excuses yes.

But starting Monday you can expect normal, and possibly more frequent, blogging activity.

So see you next week.

And thanks for checking in.

Have you heard of Garrett Brown?
It's understandable if you haven't.
He is the man who invented the stedicam.
That's the piece of equipment that allows us to get smooth gliding shots while the camera moves through space.
Today it is integral to making just about every movie there is.
But that wasn't always the case.
For a long time movies relied on trolleys and dollies and cranes to get moving shots.
It was pretty much the only way.
But Garrett Brown was working crew on a little film called Rocky and they were looking for a way to capture shots of sweet training montages.
So maybe it was good fortune, or even desperation, that drove Garrett Brown to invent this piece of technology.
And thanks to that he changed the movie industry forever.
Skateboarders also owe him a great deal of thanks.
All in all Garret has about 50 patents to his name.
Not too shabby for someone you've never heard of.
This is also a good lesson in circumstance.
Making the most of your given situation.
It's possible they could have shot Rocky without the stedicam.
Using just the traditional techniques to make an adequate movie.
But Brown saw an opportunity.
And he did something that changed film forever.
It may have been luck that he was on the crew for Rocky.
And that he had a director who was up for this new technology.
And a studio that was willing to back something different.And the shot that called for this new shooting method.
But what was not luck was taking the initiative create a new piece to equipment.
To try something completely unknown.
Because Garret Brown knew that we make what happens to us happen.

It's not fancy, but it's links.

• If you only read one article this week make it Dave Trott's "COME OFF BROADCAST, GO ON RECEIVE."
• You should also read Stuart Harkness' favourite writing over on the Sell! Sell! blog. (and a bubbly bonus)
• George Tannenbaum writes about "running on empty" and, although he is a very prolific writer, it's not even about him.

 Three(!!) quotes from Joe Sedelmaier: director of Where's The Beef and FedEx Fast Talking Man.

On most of his commercials:

[When you watch it] that's funny. But if you read it it's not funny. It's not jokes; it's performances.

On directors and style

I hear a director say 'I consciously don't have a style' and I think 'What's a hack?'

On clients

People want the unexpected—as long as it's what's expected.

video time!

Remember those VR helments at arcades that showed you the world through a tiny screen? Well this is like that but instead of a virtual world it is showing you the world you would have already seen. Still cool. (via) <-- you should always click the via!

I imagine a creative's mind exploded and created this video. This video is brains. (via)

Boom. There is is. One of the masters of copy saying that scam ads might not be so bad in certain sitations. It's what I would expect from reading his words/ads/site* BUT it's still interesting to hear someone feared reveared by creatives come to the defense of scams. Remember this applies only to some situations and it is only one man's opinion. On the other hand he is the man who wrote those Chivas ads...

VIA

*I simply adore his portfolio site.

With tremendous skill and delusions of grandeur I am back with another crop of internet goodness. (The yield was a bit small this week.)

• Dave Trott kindly reminds you to shut your mouth and do whatever it is already.
• "Patience," do you have it motha fucka?* from George Tannenbaum
• The mighty Jetpacks has touched down again to refuel*.
• Stan Lee advises you to listen to John Hegarty's advice.

Kids today get the coolest stuff. The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore via @luckthelady

*Awful Pulp Fiction reference added by me. He would never be so tasteless.

**Your brains with precious, precious thought.

AKA why you should order a copy of the new* D&AD Copy Book RIGHT NOW.

It was only roughly a year ago that I came upon the first edition myself. I wanted it, oh how I wanted it, but the cheapest copy I could find cost $400!

Being a poor unpaid intern (living with my parents no less!) I convinced the VP of Strategy** at that agnecy to order a copy for himself and let me read it. He obliged and I tore through that book like a crazed person. It was heaven.

I walked around, book open, annoying the senior copywriters I worked with by showing them the ads I liked. At one point I photocopied a copuple of pages scwrawled indecipherable notes around the edge and hung them*** above people's desks. For a copywriter just starting out it was one of the most enlightening, eye-opening books I could possibly read.

Then something even more tremendous happened.

My parents found a newer, thus more affordable, edition of it under the name "The Copywriter's Bible" and gave it to me as a birthday present. It's one of those things I go back to whenever I'm having a bad day or trying to get really excited to write some new copy.

And now D&AD has done all of us a great service by releasing this newest edition. It is affordable: $36. It is beautifully designed. And they have added SIXTEEN new writers to the book including Dan Wieden and Dave Trott.

So go buy the book, learn a little bit of history, and learn a whole lot about the craft of copywriting.

*bells and whistles applied to text fully deserved.

**Thanks, Jeff.

**Probably EXTREMELY annoying in retrospect but I was young and excited -- so sue me. Actually if you're D&AD or Taschen please do not sure me for file sharing!

Well ladies and gentlemen looks like we're in for another scorcher. Stay inside, sit back, grab a cold drink, and enjoy this weeks selection of smooth articles. This is Jeff Kwiatek from 933 Ad Caulk radio reminding you to stay cool.

• Enlightenment from the always seldom cheery Ad Contrarian. Turns out "experts" aren't so expertly after all. (if you haven't read Tetlock's book you should give it a go)
• Who says bus shelter ads have to be dull? (spoiler: not I and certainly not this article)
• "If you have a brand you have an army."
• Copywriting has nothing to do with Writing from Dave Trott.
• One of the most important things to do is Persist, according to George Tannenbaum.

Synesthesia. Can you taste/smell/see/hear it? via

The beautiful craftsmanship behind Leica lenses. Mmmm optical...via

Make sure you close the door on your way out. This AC ain't free.

Ps. Momma always taught me to cite my sources. If you ever feel I have ripped you off or not given you credit please bring it to my immediate attention. It's not my intent but with the volume of stuff I go through every week I loose track of what's from where.

Copyblogger has released me from the chains of ever having to "write" a blog post again. Hooray!

That's actually not completely true, but his post was inspiration for this post that you are reading at right this very minute. Shocking stuff, I know. if you feel like you've just been incepted YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Moving on.

Listen. This summer I have been reading A LOT of Kurt Vonnegut. This has led to "Jeff and The Mundane Case of the Dozens of Dog Eared Pages."™

Basically I found a lot of what I read very valuable and I marked it for later use. But after reading that Copyblogger post I mentioned earlier I thought it was only fitting to share these gems** with you.

My dear readers this post is going to be very copy centric but I'm not sorry about that. To all you art directors shedding a tear just remember you get sites like fffound, the state of internet writing leaves little resources for us copywriters to feast our minds, and our eyes, on.

So who better to learn from than the magnificent Kurt Vonnegut? I say there is none other. He was a prolific writer and speaker and a professor of creative writing in profession (and in spirit). Read on, soak it up and enjoy—you ravenous writers.

On the beauty of being a writer:

This is what I find most encouraging about the writing trades: They allow mediocre people who are patient and industrious to revise their stupidity, to edit themselves into something like intelligence. They also allow lunatics to seem saner than sane.

On jokes:

...the biggest laughs are based on the biggest disappointments and the biggest fears

Gallows humor had to do with people in the Austro-Hungarian Empire. There were Jews, Serbs, Croats—all these small groups jammed together in a very unlikely sort of empire. And dreadful things happened to them, They were powerless, helpless people and so they made jokes. I twas all they could do in the face of frustration... humor about weak, intellectual people in hopeless situations.

I'm in the business of making jokes; it's a minor art form. I've had some natural talent for it. It's like building a mousetrap. You build the trap, you cock it, you trip it, and then bang!

On quality:

But [pulp writers] were going so fast that characterization didn't matter and dialog was wooden and all that—because it was always first draft. That's what you sold, because you counted afford to take the time to sharpen up the scenes. And so that persisted, and young people decided to become science-fiction writers would use as models what was already being written.

On mastery:

And what I find so admirable in Bloomington is the insistence that no would-be writer can learn much or improve much in one silly week, and that anybody who is serious about entering the trade had better come back year after year for evaluation, and to write his head off in between.

*All the new printings of Vonnegut's books have this on the spine. It's always nice to know you're holding an asshole in your hands and that is why someone is chuckling at you.

**all taken from his 1976 collection of non-fiction writing and speeches "Wampeters Foma & Granfalloons"